The Family Room

FamilyLife offers a great e-zine on marriage called The Family Room.

I especially appreciated one article this month on a woman's struggle to salvage her marriage after an affair. She writes,

"Brad and I had only been married for 15 months when he told me that he was no longer happy and wanted out of our marriage. I was devastated … but not totally surprised. I suspected that he had been seeing another woman.

Although Brad and I continued living under one roof, our hearts were not united. Our daughter had just turned one, and I wondered if our life as a family was over."

You can read the rest here.

A Frightening Affair

On a recent FamilyLife Today radio broadcast, Pastor Dave Carder states that "40% of Christian marriages will experience an affair before the couple reaches the age of 40." This statistic made me gasp when I heard it. 40%?!?! That seems impossible. Yet the statistics also say that 50% of all couples (Christian or non-Christian) experience affairs before 40. Thus a reminder that many "Christian" marriages are not very different from the average married couple. Based on the statistics, the chances are good (or bad) that you know someone who has experienced an affair or will experience one. The radio programs are outstanding, and I highly recommend that every couple take time to listen to them. You might even consider ordering a few copies of the CD to pass along to other couples.

Part 1: Why do Affairs Happen?

Part 2: What Causes Affairs?

Part 3: Where do Affairs Start?

Part 4: How do I Come Clean?

Part 5: How do I Rebuild Trust?

Online evaluation: Are you at risk for an Affair?

Teaching Kids (and yourself) Theology

FamilyLife recently aired a series of interviews with Bruce Ware, who wrote a book called Big Truths for Young Hearts: Teaching and Learning the Greatness of God. This book is a summary of the many conversations he had with his two daughters during their adolescent years. Bruce describes what he did as "co-opting" family time to do what he loved best – teaching the great and glorious truths of the Christian faith. He did this over "family discussion during dinner, late-night chats in his study, and 'daddy-daughter dates.'"

Bruce is a professor of theology at Southern Seminary in Louisville, Ky. Though he is a skilled theologian, his kids comment in the book on how adept he was at making theology relevant to young children. But of particular note is what his girls wrote in the forward of the book: "We followed our father's teaching in part because he practiced what he preached." I often wonder what the children of many parenting 'experts' would say about their parents. Here we get the author giving his daughters space to tell-all, and they give nothing but glowing praise and admiration for their father.

One of the goals of this blog is to equip you with tools for the spiritual training of your children, but all the tools in the world are worthless unless you 'practice what you preach.' Every guy reading this should be encouraged – because if a Theology Professor, one normally known for being 'dry' or 'boring' or 'irrelevant', can teach children about Jesus and still make it interesting, then the rest of us have a great chance to win at home.

You can listen to the three programs via the following links:

Introducing Your Child to God

Sandbox Theology

Helping Your Child Understand the Holy Spirit

Reformation History

For a GREAT summary of the Reformation, check out this sermon by Tommy Nelson (right click on link and select "save as").

Fear and Idolatry

One afternoon my wife was listening to the radio. A show about the failing economy came on and the speaker announced "I want you to think of the thing which you are most afraid." He paused. "Now – what came to mind? Was it being poor, losing a loved one, maybe cancer?" Another long pause… "If the thing you fear most was anything other than being distant in your relationship with Jesus Christ, then your priorities are out of order."

Tim Keller recently gave a talk at the Gospel Coalition Conference that focused on the issue of Idolatry (download video or audio here). He said that Salvation is putting your hope in Jesus, but Idolatry is putting your hope in anything other than Jesus. He also said that fear is Idolatry, because the thing you fear has become too high of a priority for you. So high that you become fearful when you imagine life without it. Security, respect, and truth can become gods if they are the ultimate source of your purpose and fulfillment.

Keller also commented on Martin Luther's view on the 10 Commandments. Luther saw all of the commandments as flowing out of the first one: The Lord your God is one; you should have no other God's before him. Thus if you break any of the other 9, you are breaking them because you failed to understand the first command. Why do you steal? Because the possession has become an Idol – a god above the one true God. Why do you lie? Because you value people's perception of you more than God's perception of you. These things are Idolatry.

Voddie Baucham recently gave a message at FamilyLife addressing this very issue (video of Part 1 and Part 2). He said "if you struggle with anger – getting angry at your wife. You don't have an anger problem, you have a worship problem." You get angry because you put have something else as a higher priority than worshipping and pleasing Christ. At that point, you have fallen into Idolatry.

Power of Forgiveness

One by one, the families made their way across the hardwood floors of the courtroom to the accusation podium. There they sought to unload all their retribution on the man that had taken their loved ones away. They were given this opportunity by the judge, setting the killer before them one last time before he was shut away in a prison for life. A fire hose of vileness and anger sprayed forth from the people that had been wronged, yet throughout the ordeal, the criminal sat with a wiry smile on his face, almost as if to say “your words are meaningless.” Near the end of the indictments, one man approached the stand with noticeably less anger on his face than those who had gone before him. He came to his place before the microphone, paused to collect himself, and said, “I want you to know, I forgive you for the things you’ve done to my family.” The hardened criminal that had taken such delight in the pain of so many could no longer hold his composure – he was reduced to a puddle of tears.

The power of forgiveness in relationships is an amazing thing. We come to expect retribution and anger when someone is wronged, but forgiveness is so unnatural that many can’t help but stand in awe when it is experienced. This happens time and again at FamilyLife’s marriage conferences – where learning to forgive your spouse is often the first step towards healing years of stored hurts.

Ruth Graham said, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” It seems that this one concept has helped Julie and I more than any other in marriage, but it plays out a little different in that we try to have a forgiving attitude before an offense has been committed. We try to assume the best about one another’s intentions, trusting that even when one of us is hurt, the other probably did not intend to cause pain. We also try to keep short accounts, so that the little bumps in the road do not build an insurmountable mountain.

Of course, there are many other areas where forgiveness applies than just marriage. I often pray that one of the things I will do well as a parent is to be quick to seek and grant forgiveness. I want my son to know that Dad does not hold grudges, nor am I too proud to admit wrong and ask him to forgive me.

Forgiveness also extends to people you do not know or have never met – for instance, many people carry around bitterness towards political figures all of their lives. And of course, the ultimate application of this is in our relationship with God: Matthew 6.14-15, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Luke 6.37 says “Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” I preached on this verse a few weeks ago and talked about the meaning of that word forgive – which expresses the idea of release, of letting go or setting free. Thus a simple definition of forgiveness is an act of releasing a person from debt of their offense. By forgiving you are giving up the right to continue to punish them for their offense. After that sermon a man approached me and shared about his relationship with his mother – how he had received years of emotional and spiritual abuse from her and has forgiven her time and time again. Hearing sermons on forgiveness always causes him to pause and ask “Have I really forgiven her? Or am I hanging on to something else?”

Take some time this week to think through the concept of forgiveness. Is there someone you need to grant forgiveness? Or maybe someone from whom you need to seek forgiveness? It could be a parent that you have neglected, a child you have exasperated, a family member you’ve offended. Maybe you need to forgive a politician for spending too much of your hard earned money (unless you think they have not spent enough.) Maybe you even need to think about forgiving yourself for past mistakes and missed opportunities.

Forgiveness may seem impossible in your situation. You may say “you have no idea what I’ve been through” and you would be right – I have no concept of the pain you have experienced. However I know that Jesus, when he was hanging on the cross, prayed “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” in Luke 23:34. If Jesus, one who was reviled without reason, can forgive, then there is hope that all of us can as well.

Another Man on Trying Men

Mark Driscoll is also featuring short posts on important people in the History of the church on his blog. So far he's covered John Calvin, Spurgeon, Whitefield, the Puritans and others. He called it “Long Live the Dead Guys Week.”

Old Wine, New Skins

This was done using existing audio from the Jesus film. I found it more moving than the original film. Turn it up!

Interview with Wayne Grudem

C.J. Mahaney recently interviewed Wayne Grudem - Parts 1, 2, 3, & 4.

Grudem was my mentor during my studies at Phoenix Seminary and many of the things he shares in these interviews are very important to me. When I first met him in person, what amazed me most was not his intellect (though profound) nor his humility, but his prayer life. I had heard few people talk about their prayer life with such clarity and intentionality.

In 2001 I spent a summer in Santa Cruz, California with Campus Crusade for Christ. While there I developed a close friendship with a man that I admired much. He was athletic, had a sharp mind, was hard charging, yet compassionate towards the hurting. One day we were on a hike in Yosemite and he said, "John, when I think of you, I will always pray that you become a man of prayer." That meant the world to me to know another man would be praying so intentionally for me. I think of that often and ask for the Lord to help me grow in my prayer life. Grudem's example, Tom Nelson's practice of keeping a prayer journal for the members of his church, and my parent's example of faithfulness in prayer have all been a great encouragement.

52 Men Trying Part 4 - Origen

Few early church fathers have drawn more personal intrigue than Origen. He was a man of amazing intellect, severe passion, and thorough dedication to the cause of Christ.

Dedication

Origen was born in Alexandria around 185 AD. His parents were believers in Jesus and at an early age he too committed his life to following Christ. The strength of his commitment was evidenced by his willingness to join his father as a martyr. Though only a boy, he had made up his mind to go to his father in prison, where death for the faithful man was imminent. But Origen was spared by the love of his mother, who hid his clothes and thus kept him from departing the home. In response, Origen wrote his father a letter urging him "to allow no thought for his family to shake his resolution."

But his yearning for martyrdom would eventually be satisfied. After years of preaching and writing, he was captured and tortured during the reign of Gallus and died within a few years after his release.

Intellect

Origen was a man of great intellect and abilities. One historian noted that Origen wrote in the range of 6,000 books in his lifetime. His productivity was likely due to his ability to use up to seven scribes to record his dictation at a time, along with as many female secretaries who helped with his work. His books included commentaries on every book of the Bible, the first attempt at a 'systematic theology' in the history of the church

But likely his greatest literary accomplishment was his work on the Hexapla. This was a collection of six different versions of the Biblical text, copied in parallel columns to allow for easy comparison. The project was so enormous that he gave twenty-eight years of his life to seeing it completed. His purpose in writing "was to settle the dispute between Christians and Jews about the biblical text."

One of the more puzzling aspects of Origen's intellect was his allegorical view of interpreting scriptures. Though he had a high regard for the accuracy of the text, He held to a "threefold meaning in the text… a literal (historical), moral, [and] mystical." So although the plain meaning of the text holds much value and truth and lays the "foundation for theology," Origen believed the goal for the more spiritual Christian was to "move beyond these doctrines, as long as they do not contradict them."

Difficult, indeed, for how does one know when you have moved far enough beyond the 'doctrines' without going too far? What is even more puzzling, as you will see in the next section, is how he avoided allegory in one very important area of interpreting and applying the Bible to his life.

Passion

During his life, he was constantly troubled by the lax spiritual nature of his surrounding community and took note of the hypocrisy among the Christians. Thus he stood out as a man of great commitment to asceticism, as church historian Philip Schaff notes:

He refused the gifts of his pupils, and in literal obedience to the Savior's injunction he had but one coat, no shoes, and took no thought of the morrow. He rarely ate flesh, never drank wine; devoted the greater part of the night to prayer and study and slept on the bare floor.

This commitment to a denial of the flesh and devotion to a holy lifestyle would lead him to a drastic decision. He was so overwhelmed with the text of Matthew 19.12 and a desire to "secure himself against temptation… with [his] many female catechumens," that he castrated himself, a decision he would later regret. Thankfully, the council of Nicea, in 325 AD, condemned the act of self-castration, so no need to contemplate following his example.

Oddly enough, Origen shares this particular cutting edge quality with a modern hero – Boston Corbett. Who is he? He is the man that shot John Wilkes Booth, Abraham Lincoln's Assassin. Corbett, a recent convert motivated by a desire to avoid the temptation of prostitutes, used a pair of scissors to perform the act. He then ate a meal and went to a prayer meeting before going for medical treatment.

Conclusion

It seems that Origen, being a man of great abilities, pursued his studies and theology with the most noble of intentions, seeking merely to enter into closer communion with Christ. In this process, he explored concepts and questions that few of his contemporaries possessed the 'balls' (pardon the pun) to ask. Some of his conclusions lead to his being declared a heretic and contradicting himself in places. Thus one is left with the realization that when a man writes so many volumes on so many topics, contradiction is inevitable.

His life, his asceticism, and his commitment to Christ is inspiring, yet at the same time his distant dances with many ideas reminds one to heed the words of Proverbs 10.19, "When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent." Or one of my favorites, Proverbs 17.28 "Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent."

*As for the delay on my "weekly" posts: We are in the process of packing up and moving 1500 miles back to Little Rock Arkansas. As you can imagine, finding the right reference book has been a challenge at times.